The Winning Ticket

For the past 2 weeks Ant has been saying that he wants to go to Safeway and use his money. Whenever I asked what he wanted to buy he would say a "blue one shot." When I asked him what that was he would just smile and laugh.  That is what living with Ant is like. He doesn't know how to describe things.  He has a name or label for things and that is about it.

So I figured a blue one shot was some kind of candy. Whenever we would go into Safeway he would get upset that he forgot to bring his money.  I would say show me what you want and I will buy it for you and he would say "no, I have to use MY money," and he refused to show me what it was that he wanted.

Today I took Ant to a couple of estate sales and I told him to take his money in case he saw something he wanted to buy. On the way home, we stopped at Safeway and he was so excited because he finally had his money with him. Ant danced and skipped around the store waving his $5 in the air.  I kept asking him what he wanted to buy and he just kept repeating a "blue one shot."  When I asked "where is it?"  His reply was "there," but he wouldn't point at anything.  When I asked, "where there?" he would just start to laugh and skip off waving his $5.

We finally got in-line to pay for our groceries and Ant exclaimed "my blue one shot!"  I asked him where and he points to the lottery vending machine at the end of the checkout aisle and sure enough, right there on the machine was a big button all lit up that said "ONE SHOT."

The vending machine was filled with about a 15 different kinds of lottery scratcher tickets, but there was one for $5 and it was blue. Ant put his $5 into the machine and pushed the big one shot button and then pushed the button for the blue scratcher.  The machine spit out a big blue ticket into the receptacle and Ant put his hand in and grabbed the ticket and yelled "I won!" He skipped the entire way to the car waving his blue ticket it in the air.  When we got to the car I asked him what he won and he said "money." 

We have since returned home and Ant has no interest in scratching off the ticket to see if he actually did win.  He thinks that just because the machine gave him the ticket means he won. I asked Ant what he wants to do with his money and he said buy stuffed animals. 

So here I sit at the kitchen table, staring at this scratcher wondering if he knows something that we don't? Is this a winning ticket? Or maybe we are all winners regardless if the ticket is a money winner because just the fact that we even got a ticket means we already won. I guess we will have to wait until Ant wants to scratch it to see if we won any money, however, even if it isn't a money winner I will tell him that he won $20 and take him to CVS so he can buy stuffed animals because I sure won when God gave him to me!

My Special Needs Boy - The Antman

In addition to being a TBI survivor and struggling daily with my mental and physical disabilities, I also have a special needs son who has a cognitive disability referred to as Intellectually Disabled or ID.

It's hard to describe Anthony's disability.  There really is no concrete diagnosis.  He is not on the autism spectrum, he has no chromosomal aberrations, and he did not suffer any head trauma or ingest any toxic substance that would have caused this birth defect.

Anthony has been through a myriad of medical tests, including an MRI, EEG, and a complete DNA markup.  Absolutely every test came back as 100% normal.  He has what they consider to be a non-syndromic intellectual disability and only 1-3% of the population is like this.

Anthony has an extremely low IQ.  Anthony is now 8 years old, however cognitively he is like a 2 year old.  He is potty trained and was able to be at a normal developmental age.  Anthony understands technology.  He can use a computer, iPad, iPhone, Playstation 3, and many other forms of technology.  Anthony can read really well, but he does not understand a lot of the words that he reads.  He can also do simple addition and can count well above 100.  Anthony can also go to the fridge, take out something to drink and pour it in a glass by himself.  Anthony can feed himself, get himself a snack, take a shower by himself (although I still help to make sure he washes properly) and do other simple health care tasks such as that so he is considered to have a moderate ID.

Socially, Anthony is very shy.  It takes him a long time to warm-up to people and be himself.  He knows he is different and it upsets him when other children ask him "what's wrong with you?"  Anthony desperately wants to be seen as a normal 8 year old boy and insists on doing everything other children do, even if it is something he struggles with.

Up until now Anthony has been mainstreamed at school.  The school district and his special education instructors are recommending that he be placed in a special day class for next year's school year.  I am on the fence about that because I know it will upset him to be removed from the school he loves and the kids he knows and loves.  Plus, he has been doing so well at his current school with the services he has been receiving.  It is not that the other school and class will not give him an adequate education, it is mainly that I am afraid removing him from the general population will prohibit his social growth.  The world is not a special day class and Anthony needs to find his place in society in order to survive.

Home life is very challenging with Anthony.  He wants to do everything his 11 year old twin brothers do, but doesn't understand why he cannot.  He has temper tantrums of a 2 year old when he doesn't get what he wants or he gets frustrated.  Luckily, those tantrums are predominantly saved for the home, Anthony has the social understanding to know that kind of behavior is not appropriate for elsewhere, especially at school so there are no behavioral problems at school.

The easiest way for me to describe Anthony is to say he is exactly like Forrest Gump.  He even has a Jenny just like Forrest had in the movie, although her name is Carly and she is just the sweetest girl.  It pains me that he may not be able to go to school with her next year.

So that is my Anthony, who we often call Ant or Antman.  I know God sent him down to me for a reason and I am blessed to have a special child just like him. Everyday has its specific challenges with the Antman but we manage and I can honestly say that his unconditional love is worth every single one of them.

If you are a mother of a special angel, please feel free to reach out to me and share your struggles, your obstacles, your successes, failures, advice, and frustrations.  We special needs mom's need a special place to be open and honest with our feelings and emotions.  This is my place but my door is always open for company.

-A

What to do with all of those Race Bibs!

I save all of my bibs from my races.  I never really knew what to do with them so they just got shoved into a folder in my file cabinet.  Six years of bibs in that folder.  I've seen so many cool ideas on Pinterest with what to do with race bibs.  The problem is that I don't really have a room in my home to display them.  Our home is decorated like a Mexican Hacienda and putting up a frame of bibs just doesn't go with the whole Mexican theme.   I also haven't been displaying my race medals.  They have just been hanging on the corner of the full length mirror outside of my bedroom closet.  So, I decided to incorporate both my bibs and medals into one project and I just love the finished product.

Bib & Medal Display

Instructions

This was super easy to make.  I got pre-cut wooden letters at a Jo-Ann Fabric and Craft store.

I got all my race bibs and decided which ones I wanted to use.  I made sure to remove all safety pins and tracking devices from the backs.

Using a sponge brush, I glued the bibs onto the front of the wooden letters using Mod Podge.  I didn't worry about the sides of the letters just yet.  I had to trim some of the bibs so I could wrap them around the sides, but the glue was not holding them securely to the sides of the letters so I just did the front first.

Once I got all the bibs I wanted to use glued to the front of the letters, I used a hot glue gun to secure the bibs to the sides and continued to wrap the bibs to the back.  I was able to secure the bibs to the backs of the letters with the Mod Podge and some packing tape.  I applied a coat of Royal Coat Decoupage Finish to the front and sides of the letters and left them to dry overnight.

The next morning I secured  3M Command™ Damage Free, Clear Utensil Hooks to the letters using the hot glue gun again.  The tape that comes with the hooks was not strong enough to hold the medals which is why I used the glue gun.

Then all you need to do is hang the letters on the wall and hang your medals on the hooks.  To secure the letters to the wall I secured some ribbon to the back of the letters using the glue gun again.  I made sure to pre-cut three pieces of ribbon the same length before gluing them.

Using thumb tacks I secured the letters to the wall by putting a tack through the center of the ribbon at the top.  I hung these on the wall in the hallway right outside my bedroom so they are displayed nicely without clashing with my Mexican decor.  I've decided to actually hang up my race photos in the hallway as well, so every time I walk to my bedroom now I will be able to see my accomplishments.

Christianity - Are We Missing The Point?

I've been wanting to write this post for some time, but I have been struggling with how to write it without starting another war.  The reality of it is, when it comes to certain topics you are bound to piss someone off.  I put religion right up there on the same level playing field as the issue of gun control and politics.

Religion is a personal belief, however most people are born into a religion.  Whatever your parents' beliefs are usually become what your belief is because that is the religious practices that you are raised with.

I was born into Judiasim.  Just like there are several different types of Christianity (Catholicism,  Protestantism, Methodist, Baptist, Evangelical, etc.), there are different types, or denominations of Judaism (Orthodox, Conservative, Reform, and Reconstructionist).

Our family belonged to a Reform synagogue.  The Jewish Outreach Institute describes Reform Judiasm (also known as Liberal or Progressive Judaism) as "subjects religious law and customs to human judgment, attempting to differentiate between the facets of the Torah that are divine mandate and those that are specific to the time in which they were written."

Religion, however, wasn't really something that I believed in.  It wasn't important to me. I had always seen religion as just another way to separate people.  Them and us.  I desperately wanted to believe there was a God though.  I needed to believe there was someone up there that could perform miracles and who could defeat evil.  Kind of a worldly superhero!  So when I needed help, I prayed to God and for those times of need, I believed.

When I was growing up, 99% of all religious leaders (Rabbi's, Priest's, Minister's, Pastor's, etc.) were men who had their AARP cards and the thought of going to a temple or church and listening to a bunch of old guys telling what was right and what was wrong didn't appeal to me.  Religion was just another form of control and I wanted to be free.  I was a rebel, I wanted nothing to do with it!  I belonged to the church of Amy.

As I continued to get older, religion became irrelevant in my life.  I didn't practice any sort of organized religion, I didn't relate to any particular kind of religion and now that I think about it, I was more on the side of Bill Maher when it came to religion.  I didn't believe there was an actual God.  I didn't believe that God gave Moses the 10 Commandments or that Jesus was the son of God.  To me, religion was Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and Hanukkah Charlie (my dad's answer to who brings us Jewish kids presents on Hanukkah).  I just wanted to enjoy the festivities and the spirit, but I didn't care to learn their true meaning.

How and why I eventually became Christian is actually a whole chapter in my book so I don't want to go into it in detail here, it is too lengthy.  Let's just say one day I finally found God and realized He had been by my side the entire time.

So I started to read the Bible - the New Testament.  I studied the Torah in Hebrew School (part of the Old Testament) and so I was curious about Jesus.  I wanted to learn who Jesus really was.  I wanted to read what he did, how he did it, to whom did he do it too.  I was like an FBI profiler and my subject was Jesus.

What I learned by studying Jesus is what made me a Christian.  I became a disciple of Jesus because I believe in HIS message or what I believe his message to be.  I believe God sent Jesus down to earth to deliver His message.  So you can call it God's message or Jesus' message, to me they are one in the same.

Jesus's message, TO ME, is one of  mercy, grace & compassion for ALL things!  The ALL is the key word.  Jesus showed mercy, grace and compassion to EVERYONE.  Not just his friends, but to his enemies.  Not just his disciples, but to those who did not follow him.  Jesus did not discriminate when it came to showing mercy, grace and compassion.

So here is where I make a shocking statement.  I have a hard time with the Bible.  I do not believe a lot of what is written in the Bible is what Jesus had in mind when he developed Christianity.  Like I said above, Jesus' message was about mercy, grace & compassion for all people.  It wasn't about believing in a set of rules, creeds and dogma that were intended to propagate hatred.

The Bible was written by over 40 different authors from all walks of life: shepherds, farmers, tent-makers, physicians, fishermen, priests, philosophers and kings.  It was not written by Jesus.  The bible is a biography it is not an autobiography.  I am still in the process of reading the Bible and I believe it is a great history book, but I'm not so sure it is the word of God because I think some of what is written in the Bible goes against Jesus' message.  There, I said it!

If you noticed I put the word "some" above in bold because there are versus in the Bible that profess Jesus' message.  Some of the most beautiful and loving phrases in the world are from the Bible and those I do believe are the word of God.  But the Bible was written nearly 3500 years ago and I am sure when it was being written people didn't think we would be living the way we live today.

While I think it's important to study the Bible as a Christian, I agree with Progressive Christian, Edgar Zelle when he said "the historic Creeds of the past should not limit the working of God’s spirit in our own time."  But doesn't that sound very similar to how the Jewish Outreach Institute describes as Reform Judiasm, "subjects religious law and customs to human judgment, attempting to differentiate between the facets of the Torah that are divine mandate and those that are specific to the time in which they were written."  Oy vey - now I'm really confused!!

A dictionary definition of a Christian as a noun is “a person who believes in Jesus Christ.”  Do I believe in Jesus Christ?  Yes.  Is Jesus the son of God.  Yes.  Is Jesus my savior?  Yes.  Did Jesus die on the cross for me?  Yes.  Do I believe he was resurected?  Yes. My answer to all four of those questions is YES.

The word “Christian” as an adjective literally means, “belonging to the party of Christ” or a “follower of Christ.”  Am I a follower of Christ?  YES.

So, according to those two definitions, I am a Christian.  However, according to some people, going to church, serving those less fortunate than you, or being a good person does not make you a Christian.  I can agree with that to some degree. Going to church does not make you a Christian any more than going to a rodeo makes you a Cowboy. But if you profess your faith in Jesus Christ, serve the less fortunate and you are a good person, I believe you are a Christian.

That brings us back to the Bible issue.  According to 1 John 2:4, 10 - The mark of a true Christian is love for others and obedience to God’s Word.  And there is where I deviate.  God's Word in the Bible is not 100% God's Word to me.  I do not think there is a single person on this earth that lives by God's Word according to what is written in the Bible.  I mean every single word of every single sentence.  So what makes them any more Christian than I am?  Who get's to choose which of God's Word's you have to strictly obey and which you can be a little bit lenient on?  Your Pastor?

An estimated 3,500 individuals leave the Christian church each and every day. A 2014 study indicated that over 1.2 million people will leave the church in the next year.  In 2015, it is estimated that over 10,000 churches will close their doors.  80% of Millennials (14-33 year olds) reported that church was 'not important' to them.  I am not a Millennial, but I get why they feel the way they do because I have felt that way practically my entire life about all religion.

I'm not going to argue what is truth and what is false.  I am not going to tell you right from wrong.  But, if Christianity is going to survive, then things have got to change and I believe the first thing that needs to change is the Bible.

God has allowed us to modernize.  He has allowed us to grow.  He has given our brains the capability to understand so much more than those who have walked the earth before us.  I simply cannot believe that He would permit such change if He wanted us to adhere to rules that were written so long ago.  But then that also brings up the question, are those rules really the words of God and the message He wanted Jesus to give to us?

I can't answer those questions.  So I pray to God.  I pray to God everyday and I ask Him to show me what He wants me to do, what He wants me to believe, and how He wants me to live.  And you know what?  He gives me the same answer time and time again.  Have mercy, grace and compassion for ALL walks of life.

I call that being a Christian.

Peace be with you!
Amy