2015 TCS Marathon - Part One
The days and weeks leading up to the 2015 NYC Marathon were some
of the most difficult not only physically, but mentally that I have felt in a
long time. At times I felt as if my life
was spinning out of control – well, not really my life per se but my mind. My emotional roller coaster was on constant repeat
and I just wanted to get off the ride.
I guess you can say the ride started last spring when I
finally hit rock bottom because of my sleep issues. After 18+ years suffering from chronic
fatigue I was done. I was done fighting. I was ready to give up, throw in the towel,
wave the white flag, lay down for the count.
I wanted help, I needed help. Both
physically and emotionally and the only thing that was going to provide me with
the help I needed was medication.
I really wasn’t very eager to add yet another pill to my pharmaceutical
candy jar, but everything I had tried that didn’t involve making the drug
companies richer wasn’t working. I had
already spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on every type of therapy you can
imagine. Psychotherapy, hypnotherapy,
cognitive therapy, exercise therapy, life management skills therapy, cranial
sacral therapy, physical therapy, and massage therapy.
I tried acupuncture, chiropractic, Egoscue, TheAlexander Technique, yoga, Pilates, meditating and praying. Eating a 100% plant-based diet helped me to lose weight and get healthy but OxygenTherapy but that was now beyond my financial means since insurance refused to
cover it.
My marriage was suffering, my kids were suffering, my overall
health and well-being were suffering. So
I finally turned to my neurologist for help which started well over a yearlong
battle with my insurance company to approve medication intervention that would allow
me stay awake during the day.
I was forced to take multiple naps per day all the while trying
to maintain the active life that helped me manage the Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI)
side effects that now plagued me. Running,
strength training, etc. That magic pill
that helped me deal with my depression, mood swings and post traumatic stress
disorder. I tried to force myself to get
out of bed each day and do some sort of physical activity, but it was hard and the
chronic fatigue was winning. Still, I
registered to do something I have always dreamed of doing, even before my
incident, the New York City Marathon.
Thanks to an organization called Achilles International, I
was given an Athlete With Disabilities (AWD) slot to “run” in the TCS NYC
Marathon on November 1, 2015. I was
elated. I was finally going to
participate in the biggest event of my life.
Most people consider the Boston Marathon the cream of the crop, but to
me, it doesn’t get any better than the NYC Marathon. NYC is my Boston. I had finally made it to the top, but the
celebration was short lived when I couldn’t even find the energy to lace-up my
sneakers let alone hit the pavement with them.
The chronic fatigue that had plagued me for 18 years was now
providing my depression with the rocket fuel it needed to take full control of
my life. My excitement about the marathon
quickly turned to stress and anxiety which led to daily panic attacks. The panic attacks made me hide from everyone
and everything. I didn’t want to run or
exercise. I didn’t want to see anyone,
including my family members. I didn’t
want to talk with anyone. I didn’t want
to go anywhere. I was miserable.
In September, after many doctor’s visits, tests, crying,
screaming, nervous breakdowns, and self pity parties, I finally got the
approval from my insurance company for the medication I needed. My doctor prescribed me the drug Nuvigil and
my chronic fatigue was now a thing of the past, at least temporarily. It was time to get serious about this
marathon – the only problem was that I only had a little over a month to train
for it.
Relying on pure determination, I set out to train as best as
I could within the short amount of time I had. I had been working out with my trainer/coach,
Jacob “Jake” Nelson, and physically, I felt as if I had the strength I needed
to complete it – it was the endurance
capability I was worried about. Jake is highly
educated and extremely knowledgeable when it comes to exercise science,
kinesiology, biology and anything and everything to do with anatomy. He is the only one I completely trust when it comes to training because
he fully understands all of my injuries.
Jake said he had no doubt that I would finish the race and that was all
I needed to hear to feel confident. All
I wanted to do was finish without injuring myself any further and before it was
time to catch my plane back to the Bay Area the following day.
I trained with Jake a few times a week and did long runs on
the other days. My long runs were
proving to be some of the best runs of my life.
I managed to get my heart rate down to 140 bpm while running which provided
me with a comfortable pace in which to go long distances.
Two weeks before the race I was given a last minute opportunity
to run the Nike Women’s Half Marathon in San Francisco and I took it. The
course was extremely difficult, more hills than in the previous years I had participated
in this half marathon and it turned out to be a beautiful sunny and warm day,
not the best racing weather in my book.
The temperature climbed pretty high as soon as the sun rose
and the absence of any clouds in the sky made the sun’s heat penetrating. I could not get my heart rate below 155 bpm
and the hills were taking a toll on my legs.
The first five miles were a real struggle and I was getting
worried. I finally gave up on my heart
rate and focused on just being able to climb to the top of each hill without the
need of an oxygen tank. It was a tough
race, and I was completely spent when I crossed that finish line at 13.1 miles. In two weeks’ time I had to do double that
amount – 26.2 miles – I was in big trouble.
This was a huge blow to my confidence level and the anxiety
and panic attacks returned. On top of
this, I started experiencing the most excruciating back pain. I had no idea where this was coming from as
back pain wasn’t something I had experienced in the past. It was debilitating pain and it prevented me
from training at 100%.
Jake and I had to switch the focus of my training. We had been performing intervals that kept my
heart rate high in order to prepare my body to go a long distance at its target
of 140 bpm . Now we had to worry about the
back pain I was experiencing. We eased
up on the intensity of the workouts and incorporated more stretching exercises
to try to get my back muscles to relax. Still,
I was getting no relief.
The Nuvigil was now in full swing and I had gone two full
weeks without having to take any naps during the day. I was alert, focused and full of energy, but
my back was killing me. In order not to
develop a tolerance to this medication, it is advised to do what they call
cycling in order to keep your brain guessing as to when the medication will be
in your system. So for instance, take it
for 2 weeks, and then take 1 week off.
Then take it for 1 week and take 2 weeks off. Switching it up like that is what I was told
would help keep the medication working at its best. So I came to the 1 week where I was to stop
taking it and low and behold, after 2 days off the medication, my back pain disappeared.
This prompted me to do a little more research on the side effects
that other Nuvigil users reported.
No
where on the drug’s official website does it list back pain as a possible side
effect so I had to do some digging. Sure enough, I found a group of people who
posted complaints in an online forum of Nuvigil users about severe joint and
back pain when taking the drug. I couldn’t
believe this was happening. I had
finally found a treatment to help with my daytime sleepiness and provide me
with the necessary energy I needed to be active only to develop back pain so
severe that even just walking was a struggle.
I had just opened Pandora’s Box and all my depression, anxiety and panic
attacks in my world were now unleashed.
I started to do something I hadn’t done since I crossed the
finish line at my first half marathon back in 2010 – I started to doubt my ability
to successfully complete the marathon.
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